Misery of a teacher: I don’t mind when students look at their watch during lectures, but I get angry when they remove their watch and shake it to see if it’s working.
The boss went up to the bartender and asked, Have you been fooling around with the waitress? Oh no, sir, I sure haven’t, replied the bartender. The boss replied, Good, then you fire her!
Who is a Psychiatrist? A qualified person who gives you an expensive and critical analysis about yourself, which your spouse gives you for free, daily.
