A person urgently needs

Q: Why do men fart more often than women? A: Because women do not keep their mouth shut long enough to build up the pressure.

I said to a fat girl today, You are a big girl! She replied, Tell me something I don’t know. I said, Salad tastes good.

I love to Work but I don’t Work. It’s simply because if I do Work, it gets finished, and how can I finish something that I love so much! Be lazy, think crazy!

First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to zip up your fly, and then you forget to unzip your fly.

A retired sergeant was asked: Well, how do you like civilian life? Terrible, he said gruffly, all those people around and nobody in charge!

Break-up Letter: When we were together, you always said you’d die for me. Now that we’ve broke-up, I think it’s time you keep your promise!