Girls are always incomplete without

When things go wrong, when sadness fills your heart, when tears flow in your eyes, always remember three things: I’m with you, you have money and Bar is open

Q: Which boy has the permission to get into a girls’ bathroom and touch her anywhere he likes? A: Lifebuoy.

Acquaintance: So have you sold anything since you took up writing full-time? Writer: Yes. My car, the TV and a couple of items of jewellery…

If couples who are in love are called ‘Love Birds’, Then couples who always argue, should be called ‘Angry Birds’.

A woman telephoned her local newspaper to let them know that she had just given birth to 18 children. The reporter didn’t quite hear the message and said, Would you repeat that? Not if I can help it, replied the woman.

Procrastination? No, I just wait until the last minute to do my work because I will be older, therefore wiser.