I come up with my best jokes

A software engineer was smoking. Girl: Didnt you see the warning? Smoking is injurious to health. Er.: We bother only about errors and not warnings.

A solicitor is reading out his client’s will. And to my grasping nephew Smith: I always said I’d mention you in my will, so… Hi, Smith!

A brain walks into a bar and says, I’ll have a pint of beer please. The barman looks at him and says, Sorry, I can’t serve you. Why not?, asks the brain. The barman retorts, Because you’re already out of your head.

A Solid reason for having two girlfriends at one time: Monopoly is always damaging and Competition improves service!

Man meets friend and notices he’s wearing an earring. When did you start wearing earrings? Friend: Ever since my wife found it in my car.

Only three living beings are immune to cold: 1. Polar bears 2. Penguins 3. Females wearing sleeveless and backless dresses in marriages during severe winter.