A wife was screaming at her husband, Leave! Get out of this house! she ordered.
As husband was walking out the door she yelled, I hope you die a slow and painful death!
He stopped, turned around and replied So now you want me to stay?
Two men are talking. 1st: I got married because I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and wearing shabby clothes. 2nd: Amazing, I just got divorced for the very same reasons!