When I’m gone

Spouse: Someone who will stand by you through all the troubles that you would never have had if you’d stayed single!

If you never want to see a man again, say: I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children – they leave skid marks.

Husband standing on the scale, holding his stomach in. Wife: I do not think that is going to help. Husband: Sure it does. How else could I see the numbers?

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he’ll fall asleep before you finish.

Wives are like electricity, If handled with care they will light up your life, but if mishandled will give you shocks throughout your life!

Written behind the back of a biker’s T-shirt: If you are able to read this, it means my wife has fallen off… please inform me!