Friend: How’s your sex life?
Man: As usual, Monday to Friday.
Friend: What about the weekends?
Man: Weekends? Oh! That time I’m at home, relaxing with my wife !
Two men are talking. 1st: I got married because I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and wearing shabby clothes. 2nd: Amazing, I just got divorced for the very same reasons!
Son: Mummy, do all fairy tales begin with ‘Once upon a time?’ Mummy: No sometimes they start with, ‘Darling, I have to work a little late at the office tonight!’
Marriage is so hard that even Nelson Mandela got a divorce. He spent 27 years in South Africa prison getting tortured and beaten everyday of his life for 27 straight years. He got out of jail, spent 6 months with his wife, and said I cant take this shit!