If Pepsodent toothpaste kills

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Mom: At what time did you go to bed last night? Child: Please never ask me again to disclose confidential information!

Superb thought. For every idiot there is an equal and opposite idiot. They are called husband and wife.

I tried exercise but I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. I realised it is very dangerous.

A newly wedded desperate soldier sends a hand-grenade to his mother-in-law, with a note: Dearest Mom, If you pull this ring, I’ll be able to get 3 days leave.

My Wi-Fi suddenly stopped working. Then I learnt that my neighbors haven’t paid the bill. . .. … How irresponsible they are!