I’m gonna join the army

Little birds in the sky, You look up and it shits in your eye. You don’t mind and you don’t cry, You just thank God that cows don’t fly.

Liz: I get so nervous and frightened during driving tests! Doctor: Don’t worry about it. You’ll pass eventually. Liz: I’m the examiner!

A girl was driving in her new car when something went wrong with the engine. The traffic light changed from green to red and back to green and still she could not get the car to budge. The traffic cop came up. What’s the matter, miss? he inquired. Aren’t we got colors you like?

Man outside phone booth: Excuse me, you have been holding the phone for more than 45 minutes and you haven’t spoken even a single word. Man inside: Sir I’m talking to my wife.

A one line advertisement by a Married Man in a newspaper: For Sale: Wedding suit, worn only once by mistake.

A pregnant lady went to an astrologer. Astrologer: When you deliver a baby, baby’s father will die. Lady: Thank god! My husband is safe!