Please give me a glass of water

I want you to be with me in a nice restaurant to have Candle Light Dinner and say those three sweet words to you….Pay The Bill.

A woman had triplets, she named them Mat, Pat and Tat. She fed Mat from left tit, Pat from her right tit… Moral of the story: No Tit for Tat

A scientist went to a drug store and asks the pharmacist, Do you have any Acetylsalicylic Acid? You mean aspirin? asked the pharmacist. That’s it. I can never remember that word.

A guy just yelled at me for texting and driving. I told him to get off my hood and mind his own business.

I come up with my best jokes during exams. Their giving less marks is a concrete proof that the markers have no sense of humour.

Remember to remember me, forget to forget me. Even if you try to remember to forget me, I’ll never forget to remember to remind you to remember me.