Son: Dad, I’m hungry

Grandpa to grandkid: Go hide, you bunked school today. Your teacher is here. Grandkid: You go and hide, I told him you expired.

Think big, think smart, think positive, think beautiful, think great, I know this is too much for you, so here is a shortcut… just think about ME!

Dear Whisky, Before I started drinking, I was made to believe that you make a person funnier, smarter and a better dancer. I saw the video. I was looking stupid. We need to talk!

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me eight times, You are probably a woman.

1. Vodka is made from potatoes. 2. Potatoes are vegetables. 3. Vegetables are good for health. Need I say more!

A blonde was riding on a train and reading the newspaper. The headline said: 12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed. She shook her head at the sad news, then turned to the passenger next to her and asked: How many is a brazilian?