Vodka is made from potatoes

I hate when people tell me to relax. If it was that easy, don’t you think I would have done that already?

Customer: There is only one piece of meat in my plate. Waiter: Don’t worry, Sir! I will cut it in two.

I said to a fat girl today, You are a big girl! She replied, Tell me something I don’t know. I said, Salad tastes good.

Examiner: Why did you write the formula in your hand? Student: Because my teacher said, ‘Formulas must be on your finger tips’.

When you feel lonely and alone and cannot see any one around you, the world seems to be fading away, come along with me I’ll take you to an eye specialist!

Dear Whisky, Before I started drinking, I was made to believe that you make a person funnier, smarter and a better dancer. I saw the video. I was looking stupid. We need to talk!