What do you call a woman

Cop: Sir, what’s in the bottle next to you? Driver: It’s water. Cop: Sir, this is wine. Driver: What? Jesus! He did it again!

I’m unable to answer my mobile phone at the moment, but if you leave a message, the News of the World will email it to me later.

I tried exercise but I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. I realised it is very dangerous.

Thought for the future generation: Don’t marry and make a woman happy. In fact remain a bachelor and make several women happy.

Every organisation is like a tree full of monkeys. Ones at the top can only see monkeys below them and ones at the bottom see only assholes above them.

Eyes: To look at you, Hands: To pray for you, Mind: To care for you, Heart: To love you and Legs: To kick you if you forget me.