A brain walks into a bar and says, I’ll have a pint of beer please. The barman looks at him and says, Sorry, I can’t serve you. Why not?, asks the brain. The barman retorts, Because you’re already out of your head.
Misery of a teacher: I don’t mind when students look at their watch during lectures, but I get angry when they remove their watch and shake it to see if it’s working.
A man was taking an examination for a car driving license, and one of the question asked was: What would you do if the driver of a car ahead moved arm up and down? Man or woman?, asked the applicant!
The boss went up to the bartender and asked, Have you been fooling around with the waitress? Oh no, sir, I sure haven’t, replied the bartender. The boss replied, Good, then you fire her!