Alcohol does not make you fat

Everything about you is perfect – your lips, your skin, your eyes, your body. Perfect! You are lucky to be born beautiful, not like me, who was born to be a big liar.

Dear Internet Users, One day you will really regret not reading me. Sincerely, Terms and Conditions.

If I ever go for a brain transplant I’d like to use your brain. It’s not because you are a genius. I would only like a brain that has never been used.

Life is a paradox-what you want you don’t get (love), what you get, you don’t enjoy (marriage), what you enjoy is not permanent (girlfriend), what is permanent is boring (wife).

What is the new definition of LIQUIDITY in many countries today? When you look at your investments and wet your pants.

A newly wedded desperate soldier sends a hand-grenade to his mother-in-law, with a note: Dearest Mom, If you pull this ring, I’ll be able to get 3 days leave.