Important Dieting tip

Doctor, cut off my dog’s tail. Doctor: Why do you want to do that? Because my mom-in-law is visiting us and I don’t want anything to make her think she’s welcomed.

Two goldfish in a bowl talking: Goldfish 1: Do you believe in God? Goldfish 2: Of course, I do! Who do you think changes the water?

My goal is to be a failure! If I reach my goal, I’ll be successful and if I don’t reach my goal, I’ll still be successful.

You should do two things in the morning…Pray to God so you can live and have a shower so others can live.

3 reasons why I’m single: 1. I can’t date food 2. I can’t date myself 3. I can’t date the internet

If Pepsodent toothpaste kills 99.9% of germs what does Pepsodent Sensitive do? It kills 99.9% of germs, without hurting their feelings!