She caught me kissing my wife

It’s really weird that a woman who can spot a hair on your coat from 10 yards can’t see a pair of garage doors!

Think big, think smart, think positive, think beautiful, think great, I know this is too much for you, so here is a shortcut… just think about ME!

Sign on a famous beauty parlour : Don’t whistle at the girl going out from here. She may be your grandmother!

Fake hair, fake nails, fake tan, fake smile. Girl, are you sure you weren’t made in China?

I love to Work but I don’t Work. It’s simply because if I do Work, it gets finished, and how can I finish something that I love so much! Be lazy, think crazy!

Did you hear about the crossword puzzle addict who died and was buried six feet down and three feet across!