Different Phases of a man

Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated? Man: Don’t take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.

Intelligent man + intelligent girl = Friendship. Duffer man + intelligent girl = Love. Intelligent man + duffer girl = Dates. Duffer man + duffer girl = Love marriage

What a contradiction? If wife wants husband’s attention, she just has to look sad and uncomfortable, But if husband wants wife’s attention, he just has to look comfortable and happy!

Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It’s a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

Two theories to argue with wife : 1. If she is right then be fair to her and keep quiet. 2. If she is wrong then be kind to yourself and keep quiet!

Two men are talking. 1st: I got married because I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and wearing shabby clothes. 2nd: Amazing, I just got divorced for the very same reasons!