Don’t marry the person you want

Written behind the back of a biker’s T-shirt: If you are able to read this, it means my wife has fallen off… please inform me!

After 3 years of divorce a man gained 30 kgs of weight, his doctor advised him, . .. … …. to end the celebrations immediately!

Once a man asked God, Why all girls are so sweet and all wives are horrible and bitter? God answered, Because girls are made by me but wives are made by you!

When you touch to feel, it’s desire, When you don’t touch and still feel, it’s love, When you touch and still don’t feel, .. .. .. It’s your wife!

God thought that since He couldn’t be everywhere so He made a mother. Then devil thought that He couldn’t be everywhere so he made a mother-in-law.

A wife was screaming at her husband, Leave! Get out of this house! she ordered. As husband was walking out the door she yelled, I hope you die a slow and painful death! He stopped, turned around and replied So now you want me to stay?