Two theories to argue with wife

I was married for a short time… just long enough to realize that all those comedians weren’t joking!

Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. you are beautiful, I love you. After marriage: Roses are dead, I’m blue. you are my headache, one day I’ll kill you.

What a contradiction? If wife wants husband’s attention, she just has to look sad and uncomfortable, But if husband wants wife’s attention, he just has to look comfortable and happy!

Never Argue with your wife when she’s angry, or when she’s tired, or relaxed, or happy or whatever. JUST NEVER.

Wife to husband: You don’t love me at all. Husband points towards their five children and says, ‘Do you think I have downloaded them from Google’?

Alcohol is the worst thing in the world. My friend had a lot last night and ended up saying – I love you to his own wife!