My Wi-Fi suddenly stopped

What? I am an ‘Alcoholic’. Sorry, the word ‘Alcoholic’ is not in my Vodkabulary, maybe I should go look it up on Whiskypedia!

When things go wrong, when sadness fills your heart, when tears flow in your eyes, always remember three things: I’m with you, you have money and Bar is open

A teenage boy to his father: Here’s my report card and a list I’ve compiled of entrepreneurs who never finished their High School.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me eight times, You are probably a woman.

Message by a confused alarm clock: Dear Humans, . . .. You get mad when I wake you up, and you also get mad when I don’t wake you. So what is that you exactly want from ME?

I’m getting tired of writing Sent from my iPhone at the end of all my e-mails. Maybe I should just . .. … …. get an iPhone!