Senility is when you forget

Fake hair, fake nails, fake tan, fake smile. Girl, are you sure you weren’t made in China?

Alcohol contain female hormones. Proof: Men gain weight, talk unnecessarily, become extra emotional and stupid, start fighting without any reason.

I am on a light diet: I eat in daylight I eat in moonlight And sometimes, I eat in refrigerator light!

In the morning I don’t eat because I think of you, at noon I don’t eat because I think of you, in the evening I don’t eat because I think of you, at night I don’t sleep because I am hungry

Q: What happens to a lawyer who jumps out of a plane at 35,000 feet without a parachute? A: Who cares?

Fantastic message by a son-in-law: Dear Mother-in-law, Don’t teach me how to handle my children, I m living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement