Every time I talk to my wife

If you never want to see a man again, say: I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children – they leave skid marks.

Irritating Wife: Shall I put the kettle on? Indifferent Husband: OK, but it won’t go with that skirt!

Women’s Dictionary: NO = YES May be = No We need = I want We need to talk = You are in deep trouble.

Two men are talking. 1st: I got married because I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and wearing shabby clothes. 2nd: Amazing, I just got divorced for the very same reasons!

Chess is the only game which reflects the true status of a husband… The poor King can take only one step at a time, While the mighty Queen can do whatever she likes!

Two soldiers were having a chat during their free time. 1st Soldier: Why did you join the army? 2nd Soldier: I didn’t have a wife and I loved war. So I joined. How about you? Why did you join the army? 1st Soldier: I joined because I had a wife and I loved peace!