Wife: If I die first, I want you to promise to let my mother ride in the first car with you at the funeral procession. Husband: OK, but it will totally ruin my day!
The person who invented marriage was creepy as Hell. Otherwise how can a person really think of such weird thing like, Hey! yo I love you so much. I’m gonna get the government involved so that you can’t leave me.
Son: Mummy, do all fairy tales begin with ‘Once upon a time?’ Mummy: No sometimes they start with, ‘Darling, I have to work a little late at the office tonight!’